I immediately looked it up: "A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world."
I read it and cried, so thankful not only for the verse, but for Sue to be a believer and be in prayer for us and because I was pregnant and weepy. I texted her back a little later "That's awesome!! No pain yet! Remind me of that when I'm laboring! (wink face)"
And still, I was betting on December 24th for the birth of Baby B. Because I just KNEW I'd be over my due date by two weeks.
That evening as Kevin and I went to bed, I asked him to hold my hand as we fell asleep and said, "this might be one of the last nights it's just the two of us." Our hand holding quickly ended because it wasn't comfortable, but my feeling was correct. Just before midnight my water broke and I was in labor.
There was a gush of sorts in the bed. I knew I hadn't peed myself and yet there was a lot of liquid. I woke him up and went to the bathroom where I decided my water had, in fact, broken. I put on a Depend (Ladies, buy them if you're pregnant! Why sit on soggy towels if you can put on a diaper and go about your business?). Kevin just did not believe I was in labor and even after I urged him to call Baby & Co., he put the number in, but wouldn't hit send.
So, I called them and explained that my water had broken. They asked all sorts of the questions they ask and I answered... and then because it was midnight, I decided we needed our sleep, so we went back to bed. But not before I put on some Balance essential oil to ground me and got some Lavender essential oil going in the diffuser...because there were nerves. Kevin was snoring in no time, but it took me a few hours to get comfortable again and drift off to sleep.
The next morning, we woke at our normal time. I had an already scheduled appointment at Baby & Co. for 8:30am, so we got ready and went in for me to get checked out. We met with midwife Mary (who we had never met before). This was the first time I was seen in an exam room and my first real exam of the pregnancy. Mary determined that I was 2 cm dilated and she used her fingers to sweep my membranes to get me to 3 cm before we left. This wasn't painful for me. It was a little crampy, and sort of like a pap smear, nothing crazy.
She gave us some tall orders to go walk with very exaggerated steps and take castor oil to get labor going because I only had until midnight to deliver the baby or be transferred to the hospital (which was NOT in my birth plan). Once your water breaks, you have to have the baby within a 24 hour span in order to prevent infection. At this point, I had been in labor for almost 9 hours, but not having any intense contractions...just a little light cramping. My blood pressure was high, so they had to do some blood work to test for pre-eclampsia and I was scheduled to come back at 1:30pm so I could be checked again.
So we left...but first we needed breakfast. That was an easy decision! Chick-fil-a at Crossroads. We took it home with the plan to eat it, get a little work done and then go walk to get labor going...castor oil was not something I was looking forward to. I guess I was in denial that I was in labor and needed to have the baby by midnight because I clocked in and started working on my laptop on the couch. Kevin got Clary Sage essential oil to rub on my feet and ankles and we finished our Chick-fil-a.
In moments I went from nothing to having contractions every 3-5 minutes. To the point that I couldn't concentrate on work and had to send a quick email that I was in labor and sign off. This was at 10:51am. I was uncomfortable at this point and thought if I could lay down, that I might feel better, so I went upstairs. I probably laid in bed for 3-5 contractions and it was NOT comfortable. I asked Kevin to call Sue to come over and I went to the bathroom to empty myself.
Time was kind of flying. All of a sudden Sue was at the house and she was suggesting that I go ahead and get in the tub to labor there. Contractions were coming hot and heavy then. I wouldn't say they were painful, but I knew this was more than cramps. Making circles with my hips was most comfortable, so I sat in the tub and made circles as the contractions came. I was most concerned about throwing up or passing out, and I was getting overheated, so Kevin was fanning me to keep me cool. I wanted a cool face, but to be warm in the tub...yeah, diva! In between contractions we were talking and Sue put it all in perspective when she asked me to imagine Mary having contractions and traveling to Bethlehem by donkey. Props to the mother of Jesus!
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| photo: Sue Wrasman |
I had about 3 or 4 contractions on the way to Baby & Co. and that was the worst because I was out of the water and had to be buckled in and I was so hot. I had the windows down and had my head hanging out of the window for most of the ride. Thank goodness it wasn't a long trip and we were in there in no time. My first steps in the door, I had a contraction and had to stop and do hip circles. They got me back to the exam room and checked me and I had progressed to 5 cm already. This was just after 2pm. My blood pressure was even higher and in a very unsafe range and they were all debating if I could have the baby there or if I'd have to be transferred to WakeMed Cary. This is when I was SOO happy to have Sue on our team! She suggested that if I could get back in the tub and labor there, she thought my blood pressure would go down. All I wanted was to get in the water again. It took a call to the head midwife and coordination with the hospital, but I was allowed to stay and we started down the hall to the birthing room.
I didn't want to put on clothes, so I was naked making the walk with Sue wrapping me up with her coverup and I didn't care at all. This baby was coming!
We had never planned to have a water birth. Laboring in the tub was always an option, but I thought I'd push in bed. Well, when we got to the birthing suite, I wanted in the tub and I didn't want to get out. This was at 2:30pm. My lower back pain during contractions was what hurt and it was most comfortable in the tub with Sue putting counter pressure until the contraction subsided. She suggested at one point that I get on my hands and knees in the tub and I tried, but that was painful, so I went right back to my sitting position.
Thank goodness contractions come in waves like a bell curve! I can do ANYTHING for a short period of time, especially if I have a break. I also kept thinking about something we heard in our birthing class...labor is not happening TO me...it's my body working to get the baby out. So, I kept thinking about it not like pain-like something bad happening to me, but magical-like something amazing my body was doing on it's own to bring life into the world. This positive mindflip really helped me!
We had packed ALL the oils. I was ready for active labor and transition and pushing. Everything. But it all went so fast, we didn't have time to use anything. We had the diffuser going with lavender and Kevin had packed the crockpot with lavender washcloths that were rotated to my head and chest, but that's it. And fortunately, I didn't need anything.
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| photos: Dana Ashley Photography |
I started pushing at 3:00pm and pushing felt SO GOOD! Like, I can't even tell you how great it felt! Mind you, none of this was excruciating pain for me, but pushing was like a walk in the park compared to the small bit of back labor I had experienced during contractions. Most of the time I was pushing, I had my eyes closed. I would relax in the tub and when I felt the need to push, I'd lift my right hand out of the tub with my elbow on the side of the tub and Kevin would grab my hand through my pushes. Sue videotaped this for us and I'm so happy to have that video! I'd share it with all of you, but I'm butt ass naked. Sorry!
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Kevin reached down to "catch" the baby in the water, but only got one hand on Baby because he was behind my head and it was all so fast. And then everyone wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. Kevin was going to announce to us all, but the umbilical cord was so short, we couldn't get Baby turned over fast enough to know. Eventually he announced it was a girl! A GIRL! At this point, I'm overcome with a lot.
#1 I just freaking pushed a baby out!
#2 WHAT? I pushed a baby out.
#3 That baby fit inside me. HOW?
#4 A girl? I really thought this baby was a boy. Like with my entire soul, knew it was a boy. It's a girl? (remember this post? I'm so sorry baby girl, I thought boy, but you were exactly what I needed. I can't imagine life without you!)
#5 What do I do now?
I said, "Oh my gosh" about 100 times in the period of a few minutes. None of this was real life. And then she was on my chest in the water and the first thing I said was, "hey girlfriend." (Not sure where that came from but I continued to say it a lot for the first month of her life!)
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I was taken to the same room where my version was performed weeks before and got into bed. My blood pressure was still really high, so I was hooked up to machines to monitor that while several people were setting up the room for Dr. McCarthy to come in and stitch me up. When she arrived, she confirmed that I had a 3rd degree tear, but thought she could get it sewn up like new! The most painful part of this were the Lidocaine shots. I don't know that they actually worked, so when she started sewing me back together, I could feel it. I let her know and then had to have another painful shot. Not ideal...I probably could have just toughed out the pain of the needle!
So, here I am...laying in a hospital bed 3-4 hours after giving birth with no husband. No baby. And no Sue. I sent her back to Baby & Co. because my "birthing bag" that had all of my gear and clothes also had the baby's clothes in it and she couldn't come over naked in the cold.
At this point it's sleeting outside. I've just been delivered dinner, which is nice because I was starving and I'm still hooked up to a machine because my blood pressure is high. Mind you, they're insisting I stay overnight to monitor my blood pressure and to give me antibiotics because of the tear and stitches. But after trying 3 BP cuffs on me and all of them not working, not one person took my blood pressure by hand. So, who knows if it was really that high? Kevin had Facetimed with me so I could see him and Coralie and some of the midwives were there too and I was yelling to them how whacked out the hospital was because their blood pressure cuffs didn't work...and begging them to break me out (which they couldn't do), but gave us all a laugh!
Finally around 8pm Kevin arrived with my sweet girl, who was a guest at the hospital in her 6th hour of life. We hung out in the room where I had my stitches because they didn't have any rooms available in labor and delivery/recovery. We ordered a Domino's pizza and just before we were going to enjoy it, I was asked to switch rooms. You should have seen the nurses faces when here comes a new family of three, but mom is straight up schlepping gear to the new room. I think some of them had to pick their jaws up off the floor.
And it was an interesting night at WakeMed Cary. Because Coralie wasn't born there and was a "visitor" the nurses couldn't touch her. But she wasn't even 24 hours old, so they did provide a bassinet for her and diapers and swaddles, etc. And one nurse left us a bulb syringe and said, "I'm not supposed to give you this, but I can't leave you with nothing, my conscious won't let me." And so we attempted sleep, but with the constant beeps and being checked on and the uncomfortable "bed", it wasn't a restful night.
The next morning, when the doctor came to check on me (another doctor, Dr. McCarthy wasn't available), I learned that my chart stated I was a 4th degree tear, so at some point, I ripped all the way through. But let me tell you, no pain! I was offered Motrin twice and I declined twice, but was basically forced to take it. And the nurses kept telling me that the Lidocaine was still working, but that's a crock of bull because Lidocaine doesn't last that long! And I was basically forced to take a stool softener too. But that's it folks! At noon the day after having a baby...less than 24 hours, we walked out of the hospital and went home. And that was late! If I hadn't had such a bad tear, we would have left Baby & Co. around 7:30pm on December 6 and gone straight home.
Leaving was also interesting because a nurse had to watch us put Coralie in the carseat and put her in the car, but getting past security was tough because she didn't have a wrist or ankle bracelet and so there was confusion as to where she came from. She also didn't have a visitor's badge because they would only issue one to Kevin the night before.
What happened when we got home is another story (that's coming next), but it was so much more comfortable than the hospital!
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| First picture at home as a family of 3. |
I just want to make it clear that me commenting on my lack of pain in labor and afterwards is not me boasting. I'm the first to be shocked that it was as painless as it was. I 100% believe having our baby at the birth center reduced my pain. I believe the water reduced pain. I think having Sue as our doula reduced pain. I believe the lack of drugs helped labor to progress faster and the use of essential oils, especially clary sage, helped to bring on labor hot and heavy! My goal in talking about it is so you know that labor can be done (and it's not scary) without drugs and outside of a hospital. I just know that next time, I'll probably need to camp out at the birth center or pack the car with trash bags because we might not make it in time if it goes faster than this go-round.
